Not Knowing. Moving from the Heart.

"Keep your face to the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you." Walt Whitman

I’m at a pause in life. I was downsized a little while ago. Some of you know this. Many of you do not. Now you do. It's hard to say that publicly. Which is why I'm saying it. Because it's hard. Uncomfortable. There have been ups and downs (to put it lightly).

It’s also been a time of fierce grace and kindness.

It’s brought forward (manifested) people that humble me each day with generosity and love. It’s been a beautiful reminder as I live This Life of how I would like to continue to interact and live my life.

It occurred to me yesterday that it’s the not knowing that’s been the hardest.

I’ve been stressing out about things I can’t control. About needing to know. In truth, I don’t really need to know. I just want to know. 

The not knowing is quietly (and not so quietly) teaching me to lay it all down. To look at, asses, ask myself... What do I want to pick up and carry? What do I want to let go of?

It's slowly (and brutally) reminding me and teaching me to see and experience that this life (for me) is one that is shaped, lived in gratitude, heart, courage, faith and love. In self, others and the Universe. Always beautiful. Something I sometimes forget.

I’m learning to ask - will you let me know? A small, subtle shift that I believe (hope) will allow for unfolding as it’s meant to be instead of me pushing. (Which I've been known to do).

I don’t know what the future holds. I’ve moved forward into some clarity. I have a very broad plan. It’s scary as hell. Mostly because beyond that I just don’t know. That. is. O.K.

I’m meant to keep unfolding. To keep asking for help. To keep turning over rocks. To not discount myself. To flow with the rhythms of what is emerging. To grow. To practice gratitude, courage, faith and love. Daily.

I'm learning that letting go, asking and letting it unfold are practices, much like unconditional love, forgiveness. I'll be working with them for the duration of This Life. This feels good in both my heart and head.

Through it all I keep looping back to this...

Family. Tribe. Friends. Creating. Making. Being. Courage. Faith. Gratitude. Love. Heart.

I'm good. It's been a work in progress.

It is enough.

Leslie Cumming